I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
