I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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