i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
