Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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