just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize