Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
