Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
