Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
