I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He kissed a someone with a penis
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
