everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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