Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
