I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
