she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize