if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
