I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize