i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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