If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize