I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize