ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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