one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
