Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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