You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize