i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
