And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
