I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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