so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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