Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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