Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
