it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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