I hate your face
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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