First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
