I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
