how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
