i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
