So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
