farters have to be the big spoon...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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