??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
