You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
