Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
