god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
