Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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