Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
