is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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