By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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