Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
