Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
