We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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