I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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