hotel room ftw
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
