I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
