I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
