No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
