We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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