It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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