dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
