My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
