Already got asked if we're dating
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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