Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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