Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
time to smoke my breakfast
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
