new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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