..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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