dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I still have a little drunk in my system
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
