Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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