I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
