yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
