There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
