i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
