I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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