upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
