Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im holly from the hills drunk
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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