I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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