Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
