I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
