I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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