she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
