Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
