They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
